My new Remington Groom Innovation Touch Control Beard & Stubble Trimmer has self-sharpening, self-oiling, titanium coated blades. Its touch control technology offers the freedom to shave at 175 different shaving lengths. After just 90 minutes of charging, its lithium-ion battery lasts for up to 40 minutes.
It's a shame I'll never get to open it.
At 10.48am today, Monday, 25th June 2012, Babyliss came through for me.
They had been aware of my struggle. They were aware of the ridicule. They were aware of the taunts and of the bullying and of the hiding away from strangers. They were aware of the fact I'd been laughed at by over two different local beauty salons when I'd enquired as to whether or not they employed anyone with the expertise necessary to dye a two week old ginger beard. And at 10.48am today, they reacted.
In all honesty, as much as I was hoping Babyliss would have the heart to replace my beard trimmer, I never really thought it would happen. Because they were a business, and businesses exist to make a profit, and not to feel sorry for sad and unshaven immature annoyances with no girlfriends and too much time on their hands.
But at 10.48am today, they proved they did have a heart.
Their message read:
"Thank you for your email. If you would like to return this to us we will repair and replace this for you under the terms of the warranty"
Never before have I experienced such service. Never before had a product I'd bought over two years ago broken and been replaced, mainly because never before had a product I'd bought over two years ago still functioned two years down the line.
So thank you, Babyliss, for agreeing to replace my 7855U I-Trim Stubble All Over Hair and Beard Trimmer, which itself has a motorised digital control system and 30 ultra precise length settings to give you the exact stubble look you want, a rechargeable battery that lasts up to 30 minutes for total convenience and self oiling, 'auto-lube' blades.
OK, the blades aren't self-sharpening, but if they're a bit blunt a couple years down the line I'm sure you'll replace them.
Thank you, Babyliss, for your co-operation. Thank you, Beloved Reader, for staying with me til the end. And thank you, Joe Barritt, for when I was at my lowest, when I was forced to stay in for the 11th night in a row, when I was contemplating ending it all with an agonising and almost certainly rash-inducing blunt-bladed wet shave, I remembered that you too had a beard, and that your beard looked pretty damn sexy.